Sleep

“Many things such as love, sleep and behaving unaffectedly - are done worst when we try the hardest to do them.”


CS Lewis


Why do we sleep? Why do we need sleep? This is a question which has baffled the world of science for many centuries. It makes sense that sleep is a tool through which we are energized, but when I look at our new born baby sleeping for most of the day I also realise that this baby needs sleep more than anything else to integrate all the sensory information which he is confronted with when awake. So it seems that even when we are sleeping our brains are still working.


It has also been shown that sleep plays a role in the body’s immune function. That is may be one of the explanations why we get a cold very easily when we are under a lot of stress and not sleeping very well. While we sleep we are creating memory. Maybe I am just stirring the waters here, but sleeping might be more valuable for a student’s exam results, than those extra hours of midnight studying. A child even grows while he is sleeping. Growth hormone levels are at its highest during the time children sleeps.


Maybe it is easier to find our why we sleep by looking at what happens to us when we suffer from a lack of sleep. We do know that human beings who are sleep deprived become irritable, have a short attention span and do not have the ability to control their emotions very well (I think all mothers of small babies will be able to identify with these symptoms). Thus, somehow during the time we sleep our emotional wellbeing also becomes enhanced. We can focus better, cope better with stressors. That is maybe one of the reasons why a key question to patients suffering from depression is how well they are sleeping.


We do not need to understand much about sleeping cycles and the dynamics of sleep to know that sleep rejuvenates, it is there to be enjoyed. For that reason, I am sure that all the readers will agree with the above quote from CS Lewis – it is when we try to sleep, when we are longing for sleep, when most of the times it eludes us. I do not think I have really appreciated sleep enough before the birth of our baby. I have now become a friend of the night (not in an obscure way) – believe me I do not let a chance to take a nap slip through my fingers anymore. Unfortunately a daytime nap does not quite have the same effect as an 8 hour sleep.


It does not matter how many studies we do, sleep will always be a mythical entity. A time during which we are not self-aware, entering a secret world ruled by dreams, many of which we will never even remember.


Despite the little we know about sleep – it is available to all, missed bitterly the moment is eludes us and fortunately it is one of the few things in life which need not be understood to be enjoyed.

Moederskap

“Om ‘n ouer te wees beteken dat jy die res van jou lewe met jou hart buite jou liggaam rondloop.”


Anoniem (vrye vertaling)


Wat het moederskap my sovêr geleer? Siende dat ek steeds die moeder van ‘n neonaat is (nog net vir 18 dae die titel agter my naam kan skrywe – alhoewel ek nie weet waar mens die titel van moeder aanlas nie), mag mens die skryf van so ‘n stukkie dalk as prematuur beskou. Die moeder van vele jare sal dalk lag en dink, ja sy het werklik nog baie om te leer. Ek stry nie, maar tog het ek besef dat ek in ‘n paar dae al soveel lesse geleer het dat dit maklik genoeg is om ‘n boek te skryf.


My lesse is ongelukkig nie so filosofies soos die vry aangehaalde aanhaling hierbo nie. As ek aan moederskap dink was dit altyd die eerste woorde wat in my kop opekom het, tot ek self ‘n ouer geword het. Glo my nou is daar ‘n paar ander gedagtes wat veg om ‘n eerste plek.


Hier is so paar van hulle. Elke dag kom daar meer en meer by, so hierdie lysie sal binne ‘n paar dae aansienlik langer wees.

 • Mens kan meeste dinge met een hand gedoen kry. Dit is beslis een ‘n moeder se oorlewingsvaardighede – as jy dit nie bemeester nie gaan jy swaar kry. Daar is heelwat tye wat geen baba gelukkig is op sy eie nie, hulle soek nou maar eenmaal jou liggaamshitte. Jy staan dan voor die keuse: jy kan hom forseer om huilend in sy eie bedjie te lê, of jy kan maar eenvoudig ingee hom in jou arms neem en oorskakel na die eenhand roetine. ‘n Mens kan eenvoudig net so lank alles volgens die boek doen (verwysend na die boeke wat voorstel dat jy hulle los om te skree, sodat ‘n mens hulle nou die bederf deur elke keer op te tel nie).


• Alle gehuil sal uitendelik stop…. Glo my dit voel nie so, na jy hom vir bykans ‘n uur gesus het in die middel van die nag en hy nogsteeds onophoudelik huil nie. Die waarheid is – een of ander tyd sal hy ophou huil, maar daar is maniere en maniere om die proses te probeer versnel, party meer onortodoks as ander. Luister maar na al die raad, probeer alles maar onthou – party van die raad is nie so onskadelik soos dit mag voorkom nie.


• Jy het soms net ‘n trippie kafee toe nodig om jou varkies op hok te hou (om brood en melk te gaan koop natuurlik). Ek het nooit gedink dat ‘n besoekie aan die winkel so opwindend kan wees nie. Maar as jy al vir twee dae “vasgevang “is met ‘n huilende baba in jou arms is enige wegkomkans uit die grense van die huis ‘n kaartjie na ‘n oomblik van vryheid. Glo my, dit is jou kans, moet dit nie laat verbygaan nie, selfs om brood te gaan koop kan in ‘n terapiesessie verander.


• Slaap is inderdaad ‘n wondersoete ding! Daar is niks so pragtig (en vredevol) as ‘n slapende baba nie. Jy begeer dit, jy bid daarvoor beide vir jouself en jou baba. Jy leer vining om in enige posisie, enige tyd van die dag en met enige geraas in die agtergrond aan die slaap te raak, want wanneer die kans homself voordoen is die slaapbedelaar nie kieskeurig nie, want wie weet wat wag vannag op jou.


• ‘n Mens kan werklik hoofstukke oor stoelgang skryf… Hulle kan nie praat nie. Vir daardie rede is dit soms moeilik om hulle welstand in die eerste dae van lewe te meet. Behalwe vir huil en stil wees is daar min tekens waarmee die neonaat kan kommunikeer. Miskien is dit die rede waarom vele moeders stoelgang as ‘n baba se kommunikasiemiddel met die buitewêreld sien. Daar is inderdaard vele vorme, konsistensies, geure en kleure waarin stoelgang homself kan voordoen. Ek sal nie voorgee dat ek al die taal van stoelgang al bemeester het nie, maar vandat ek self ‘n moeder is het ek begrip vir die strewe om dit te verstaan. ‘n Mens moet maar na elke strooihalm, of is dit nou poefdoek gryp, in desperaatheid.


• Beplanning en roetine – wat is dit? Een van die gunstelingvrae aan enige moeder is – het jy hom al in ‘n roetine? My antwoord is eenvoudig – wat bedoel jy met roetine? Bestaan daar iets soos roetine? Babas lees nie boeke nie. Maak nie saak hoe hard ons probeer nie, ‘n mens kan hulle nie in ‘n skedule inforseer nie. Een dag is jy seker hulle is besig om by jou raamwerk in te pas, net om jou die volgende dag weer te verras. Jy leer gou dat jy niks kan beplan nie, jy is oorgelaat aan baba-genade.


Ek kan nog bladsye vol skryf, maar uit vrees dat ek die leser sal begin verveel sluit ek helaas af met een laaste gedagte.


Niks wat ek al ooit in die lewe aangepak het was al ooit so moeilik nie, maar daar was ook nog nooit iets wat my soveel vreugde verskaf het al om ‘n mamma te word nie.


Niemand kan mens daarvoor voorberei nie, maar saam-saam sal julle wel bymekaar leer.

Peanut Butter

There are a few pleasures in life that endures the test of time, pleasures that are universal, across all cultures and ages. Peanut butter is one of them.


I first realised this while I was watching the movie Meet Joe Black. Joe, who represents death, has his first encounter with peanut butter. He loves it and throughout the movie he walks around with a spoon in his mouth filled with peanut butter. They wanted to make a statement in the movie: a living being discovers and explores a culinary pleasure. They had to choose a substance with which we all could identify, something that we all know and enjoy, despite being from a different culture and a different age. Peanut butter just made sense.


I remember as a child how I relished those peanut butter sandwiches. To this day I love the crunchy bits in-between. You have to put chunks of peanut butter on the bread – you can never have enough and then you need to balance it off with just enough golden syrup, not too much not too little. Everyone has their own perfect peanut butter sandwich, but it doesn’t matter how you enjoy it, we all have a universal perception of what a peanut butter sandwich is.


When I think of life, it is almost as if we should enjoy it like a child enjoys a peanut samie. Life’s enjoyment lies in cherishing the simple things in life. Through enjoying the things in life which are universal, ordinary things within the reach of everyone, we become more thankful. It makes us people who understand each other better, because once we can identify with the things others enjoy we can get closer to them, walk a little in their shoes.


We need to find more peanut butter sandwich moments which we can enjoy with those around us. Make time and effort – you and those around you are worth it.

Afhanklikheid

Daar is so baie woorde en terme wat nou vir die eerste keer, vandat ek ‘n baba van my eie in my arms vasgehou het, tot volle betekenis kom.
Een van die woorde is afhanklikheid. God wil hê dat ons ten volle afhanklik van Hom moet wees. Dit is ‘n begrip waarmee ons groot word. Ons weet dat God net die beste vir Sy kinders wil hê, dat Hy, wanneer ons met ‘n opregte hart na Hom toe gaan sal gee dit wat in ons beste belang is. Ek het ook al hierdie dinge geweet, maar steeds het ek nie werklik verstaan wat die afhanklikheid is wat God van ons verwag nie. Ek het ‘n werk, verdien my eie geld – in soveel opsigte beskou ‘n mens jouself as onafhanklik.


Maar sowat twee weke gelede het dit alles verander. Vir die eerste keer het ek die voorreg gehad om ‘n lewende wesentjie in my arms te hou, wat totaal en al van my afhanklik is vir sy oorlewing. Hy kan nie eers sy behoeftes verwoord nie, ek moet dit kan verstaan. Ek is die bron van sy kos, sy klere, sy ontwikkeling, sy gemak. Dit is om die minste te sê: oorweldigend, maar tog ‘n wonderlike voorreg.


Dag na dag kan ek ‘n rol speel in die ontwikkeling en groei van hierdie klein wesentjie. God het hom uniek geskape en dag vir dag het ek die voorreg om daardie uniekheid voor my oë te sien ontvou.

So wil God ook hê ons verhouding met Hom moet wees: ‘n verhouding waarin Hy die volkome versorger is. Ek hoef glad nie op my eie vermoëns en insigte staat te maak nie. Ek hoef myself nie te bekommer nie. Soos ‘n mamma wat die huilgeluidjies van haar kind ken, net so sal Hy die behoeftes van ons hart ken, sonder dat ons dit self eers kan verwoord.


Ons moet net vertrou. Soos ‘n klein babatjie wie se lewe in die hande van sy ouers is vir oorlewing, so moet ons elke dag ons lewens in die hande van God plaas. So sal ons nie net oorleef nie, maar ook waarlik leef!

Grace

We have all experienced grace. We know the definition of grace – receiving something, a gift, we do not deserve.
While I was in hospital with Andreas’ delivery I was amazed to see the support and wishes from people who love us and would like to be part of his life.


One specific message will always stay with me.


Uncle Corrie just said: This is all grace – you did nothing to deserve this beautiful, healthy baby boy. You cannot earn it. God gave it to you out of his grace. He had his own definition of grace in his life. He had three wonderful children, all of them successful adults in their own right. His brother on the other hand, had one healthy girl, followed by a girl with Down syndrome. It was just grace that his children were normal, nothing else.


I thought about his message. Later the same day, I saw grace unfolding in front of my eyes. Our whole family, on both sides have waited very long for the breath of new life to come into our lives. My grandmother has prayed for years, and has come to the point where she almost lost hope that she would ever see a great grandchild.


I still remember a photo, taken when I was around 3 years old. It was of me, my mother, grandmother and great grandmother. Four generations in one photo.


Soon after the photo was taken my great grandmother passed away.


The same afternoon after Uncle Corrie’s message to us, my grandmother arrived. My parents went to fetch her, so that she could spend some time with us.


I could see that for her it was the fulfilment of a life dream when she held Andreas in her arms for the first time.


We took a photo. Another four generation photo – Andreas, me, my mother and grandmother.


It took another 30 years before we had the opportunity to take another four generation photo again.


That is my definition of grace.