Grondgebied

(Na ‘n gesprek met my vriendin-nig Nella)
Moederskap het die vermoë om jou op te slurp. Eerstens moet jy ‘n nuwe rol vertolk waarvoor mens, ten spyte van hoeveel boeke en raad van ander mammas nooit heeltemal op voorbereid kan wees nie. Om ‘n mamma te wees neem boonop baie tyd in beslag – soveel so dat as jy nie daadwerklik ‘n poging aanwend nie, jy maklik dag vir dag kan laat verbygaan sonder om enige tyd aan jouself en jou eie belangstellings te spandeer. Dan is daar ook nog as kersie op hierdie ryk versierde moerderlike koek, ook die kwessie van skuldgevoelens. Dit is so maklik om jouself te kasty elke oomblik wat jy weg is van hierdie klein weerlose baba wat so afhanklik van jou is.


En voor jy dit besef het jy elke stukkie van jou private grondgebied oorgegee aan hierdie wesentjie wat van nou af vir altyd deel van jou lewe gaan wees.


In my soeke om tog so tussendeur die oorweldigende verantwoordelikheid van ma-wees nog ‘n stukkie ek te behou was daar ‘n paar lewenslyne.


Die eenvoudige woorde van ‘n vriendin, wat self onlangs ma geword het, het vertroosting gebring: “It is okay to lose yourself for a while – somewhere you will find yourself again.” Weliswaar verloor jy jouself vir ‘n ruk, veral gedurende die eerste paar weke. Maar stadigaan begin die ou self tog weer na vore kom. Moederskap verander mens – jy sal nooit, ooit weer dieselfde mens wees nie, maar tog kom daar stukke van myself, wie ek was, en altyd graag sal wil wees stadigaan terug.


Dan is daar ek-tyd. Sonder om skuldig of selfsugtig te voel, het ek besef is dit nodig dat ek steeds tyd maak vir die dinge wat my definieer. Die kwantiteit is irrelevant, wat van belang is, is die bestaan daarvan. Ek-tyd is tyd weg van jou baba, waar hy in iemand liefdevol se sorg is vir ‘n paar ure, iemand wat jy vertrou sodat jy kan ontspan en sonder enige bekommernis jouself kan herontdek.


Die afgelope week het ek ‘n paar veranderinge aan die babakamer aangerig. Die rusbank, wat die piepklein kamertjie volgestaan het, het plek gemaak vir ‘n huislike, tog moderne gemakstoel. Hierdie klein verandering het sommer nuwe lewe in die kamer ingeblaas. Ek het so na die stoel gestaan en kyk en gedink: sjoe, dit is nogal ‘n ‘volwasse’stoel vir ‘n babakamer, amper asof die stoel nie by die speelsheid van die kamer pas nie. Maar hoe meer ek daaroor gedink het, hoe meer het ek beself – hierdie is my stukkie grondgebied in Andreas se kamer. In plaas daarvan om ‘n kinderlike strooikussing op die stoel te sit, het ek ‘n Indiese kussinkie en ‘n Tibettaanse wolkombers gebruik om die stoel mee te versier. Altwee dekoratiewe items waarmee ek kan identifiseer. Wanneer ek nou rustig in my stoel sit en Andreas voed, voel ek tuis. Tuis in my rol as moeder. Ek weet steeds wie ek is. Ek kan myself vir my kind wees.


Die eise wat die moderne lewe aan ‘n vrou stel is uiters hoog. Dit is maklik om jouself te midde van alles wat jy vir almal moet wees te verloor. Vrou, veg vir jou grondgebied – dit is nie selfsugtig nie, jy sal uiteindelik net ‘n beter ma, eggenoot, vriendin, dogter en kollega wees. Versier die stoel waarop jy sit met die dinge na aan jou hart.

Impact

The word impact is a strong word. Just through its pronunciation, without knowing the meaning, you can hear the force behind it. It is also one of those words that can have both a positive or negative meaning. Impact is negative when the consequence of it is destruction. The impact of a car accident can kill those involved. Harsh words, hate, divorce, envy, revenge all those also has an impact which has the potential to kill the love and respect which exists between those we love.


But impact can also be positive. We all work around with the loving dents of discipline and mentorship in our lives. Every day I thank God for every person who had a lasting impact in my life. There are so many – parents, friends, teachers, colleagues… I know that God has lovingly used certain people at specific time points in my life to also leave His impact on my life. That to me is the true meaning of being an instrument in God’s hand: to allow Him to use you to make a lasting impact in the lives of those you come in contact with.


Impact can be big or small, it all depends on the force behind it. The biggest force that will ensure an impact of significance is the force of love. All impact made in the lives of others through love, will always bring enduring positive change.


Three months ago, God blessed us with the gift of new life. He chose me a my husband to be parents, the biggest responsibility I have ever accepted. A responsibility which has had the most profound impact in my life so far, but at the same time a responsibility through which I will have and everlasting impact on someone’s life. It is overwhelming!


As time goes on and I become more accustomed to my new role as parent I realised that all of us, who are bearers of impact has only one choice: to stay on our knees and pray. Only through praying and seeking the will of God will we be able to exert a positive impact in the lives of others.


Today I can thank God for every person whom have had an everlasting impact in my life and also ask that I will also be such a person to someone.

My Eerste Moedersdag

Hierdie jaar is beslis ‘n jaar van eerstes – eerste keer mamma geword, eerste doek geruil, eerste keer vir maande laas deurgeslaap. Saam met die eerste moederskapservaring kom ook natuurlik ‘n mamma se eerste Moedersdag.
Tien uit tien vir my liewe man – hy het vroegoggend al in die kombuis begin werskaf om ‘n ontbyt (namens Andreas) voor te berei en het selfs ‘n presentjie van Andreas af vir my reggehad.


Meeste dae voel ek nog nie altyd soos ‘n mamma nie (miskien meer soos ‘n handearbeider, want glo my babaversorging is harde fisiese werk), maar hierdie Moedersdag het ek werklik soos ‘n mamma begin voel.


Die res van die dag het ek die voorreg gehad om saam met my eie mamma en ouma te spandeer. My ouma, wat die dag na Moedersdag ‘n volle 89 jaar oud geword het, was natuurlik in die wolke om die mannetjie, wat vir haar nuwe status as oumagrootjie verantwoordelik is, te kon sien. Dit is ‘n gevoel waaraan mens nogal gou begin gewoond raak, dat almal eerste na Andreas se welstand verneem, en meestal van jou eie welstand vergeet.


My ouma het met trots vertel hoe sy nog na haarself kan omsien. Sy trek self aan, stort self. Net daar het ek besef: maak nie saak hoe oud jy is nie – ‘n baba, ‘n oumagrootjie of ‘n nuutgevonde mamma, ‘n mens moet altyd trots bly op wie jy is. Geen mens, maak nie saak hoe oud of jonk, mag ooit van sy waardigheid ontneem word nie. Die bron van ons trots wissel wel met tyd saam. Vir my as moeder is hierdie nuwe bondeltjie lewe my grootste bron van trots, vir my ouma is dit haar onafhanklikheid.


Net so universeel soos moedersdag, so is elke persoon se behoefte aan eiewaarde en waardigheid. Net soos ek van nou af vir altyd ‘n mamma sal bly en oral met my liefste baba spog, glo ek dat liewe Andreas vir altyd vir sy mamma ‘n bron van trots sal wees.

Change

They say: A change is as good as a holiday. I do not know who the “they”are who came up with this saying and what type of a holiday they had in mind, but one thing I know for sure: motherhood has been the most live changing holiday /change I have ever been on.


If the author of this change meant that change, just like a holiday takes you on new journeys, new adventures, creating timeless memories then I fully agree, this change called motherhood has been exactly that. Just like most holidays, we planned this change, we looked forward to it, could not wait for the day of departure on our parental journey to arrive.


We also had to save for it, just like one would have to do for a holiday. We had to make a few bookings, but unlike for a holiday these bookings evolved around hospital beds and doctor’s visits.


We thought we had the route outlined, just like one should be doing when planning a holiday into the unknown. We read the books, listened to all the advice that came our way (note to self: some advice only has value on the level of amusement). Weeks before the expected date of departure we started to pack, after all one need to make sure you are never caught off guard on a journey into the unknown.


Yes, up to now parenthood surely does have many touch points with a holiday, but when the day of your departure onto this new journey arrives, you also realise that there are many differences.


Unlike a holiday, this journey will never end. You know where the starting point is, but from there on nothing will ever be the same.


You do not get any rest on this holiday. Very soon you realise that you are in for a lot of work and very little if any sleep.


This holiday comes with a sense of responsibility unknown to any holiday I have ever been on. You do not spend any money on yourself on this holiday, and most of the money you do spend is thrown into a diaper bin within the blink of an eye.


Despite all the differences and comparisons to the change a holiday brings there is one thing that motherhood has given me these past few months, that I will carry with me until the day I die: a love for another human being, so strong and pure and unpretentious, a love worth dying for. That is true change, life-altering change.