Pregnancy series: Being sick without being ill...

I guess some woman are lucky, they do not even realise they are pregnant during the first trimester.

My experience was a little different. I had a few constant reminders that my body was changing and preparing itself for a new adventure at a rapid pace.


I personally think that the term morning sickness is a misnomer. I had all day sickness. I woke up nauseous – the only thing that changed was that it got worse during the day and that I just experienced tiredness beyond comprehension as the day went along.


I tried Vomifene, ginger tea – nothing helped, except eating all the time. So I woke up with a banana beside my bed and literally ate my way through the day.


Just to complement the fact that I was not feeling great I also looked like a pimple-faced teenager, while having heartburn of an overweight 50 year old.


I must say, those first few weeks did not make me excited about being pregnant at all, but it was a good reality check. Despite the fact that I was feeling close to death, I never thought once that I did not want this.


It is also amazing to see how many people understand what you are going through, simply because they have all gone through it themselves.


And then amazingly one day you wake up and you start feeling yourself again. You can eat meat again, stomach the smell of coffee and stop eating Marie Biscuits for survival.


I think my biggest fear during those first few weeks was that I would be one of the unlucky people who would be nauseous throughout their whole pregnancy. For the ladies who have experienced that – my deepest sympathy. After all you can only eat Marie Biscuits for so long.

Verwerping

Op ‘n wegbreek naby Hoedspruit het ons die Moholoholo diererehabilitasie-sentrum besoek. Daar is een spesifieke “dieregeval”wat my altyd sal bybly. ‘n Arend wat gesond in sy hok gesit het. Die wildbewaarder het sy tragiese verhaal vir ons vertel. Hy is as kuiken deur ‘ n boer uit die nes geneem en met die hand grootgemaak. Die boer het goed bedoel, want slegs een van die twee kuikens sal oorleef. Die sterkste kuiken skop altyd die swakker een uit die nes. Die uiteinde van hierdie grootmaakproses, was egter dat die arend ‘n menslike bloudruk ontvang het. Die eerste lewende wese wat hy kan onthou is ‘n mens, en daarom glo hy day hy ‘n mens is. Ongelukkig het dit tragiese gevolge. Hy val mense aan, om sy gebied te beskerm, maar bied geen weerstand teen ander arende, wat in die natuur sy eintlik bedreiging is nie.


Uiteindelik moes die arend maar die res van sy lewe in ‘n hok deurbring.


Ek het al dikwels gewonder: wat maak of breek iemand. Hoekom het party mense die vermoë om ten spyte van moeilike omstandighede nogsteeds positief te bly? ‘n Mens kan vele argumente hier rondom aanvoer. Persoonlike keuse, jou geloof en waardestelsel speel natuurlik alles ‘n rol.


Tog het ek gesien dat daar een faktor is wat mense te midde van omstandighede wat buite hulle beheer is kan staande hou en dit is die liefde, ondersteuning en aanvaarding van jou ouers .


‘n Kind wat van kleins af weet en ervaar dat hy die grootste skat in sy ouers se lewe is, wat ten spyte van sy tekortkome nogsteeds ‘n bron van trots en vreugde vir sy ouers is het soveel meer kans om iets in die lewe te bereik.


Niks in hierdie lewe is gewaarborg nie. Dus, kan ‘n mens alles doen: jou kind lief hê, aanvaar en nogsteeds mag hulle eie keuses hulle dalk lei op paaie wat ‘n mens as ouer hulle nie toewens nie, maar met liefde en aanvaarding is hulle kanse net soveel beter.


Die teendeel is ongelukkig ook waar. ‘n Kind wat van kleins af ervaar het dat hy nie goed genoeg is vir sy ouers nie, of altyd met ander broers of susters vir aandag moet kompeteer, se kanse om selfaanvaarding en sukses te bereik is net soveel kleiner. Dit is asof daardie kind permanent moet veg teen die prentjie wat sy ouers van himself in sy kop ingeprent het.


Net soos die arendkuiken sy identiteit ontvang van sy arendouers, met wie hy eerste in kontak was, so word ‘n kind se selfbeeld ook gevorm deur die kontak wat hy met sy ouers het.


‘n Ouer het ‘n reuse verantwoordelikheid – jy het die mag om jou kind te omskep in ‘n trotse arend, wat die vermoë het om die aanslae van hierdie wêreld die hoof te bied, of ‘n halwe mens wat vir die res an sy lewe toegesluit word agter die tralies van wanpersepsie en verwerping.


Dit is uiteindelik wat God gedoen het. Dit is die Kersboodskap. Hy het Jesus uit die hemelse nes geskop en Hom aarde toe gestuur.


Uiteindelik was die bittereste toets wat Jesus moes weerstaan die pyn van verwerping.


Aan die kruis het Hy voor sy dood die bitterste woorde getuiter:


“My God, my God waarom het U my verlaat?”


Dit alles sodat ek en jy elke dag van ons lewens na God ons Vader kan kyk en arendskinders kan word, wat hoër en hoer vlieg.

Pregnancy series: A Second confirmation

After a night of excitement and little sleep we had one mission the next day: a pregnancy blood test. Typical of human nature, we tend to question everything in life. As if two positive urine pregnancy tests were not enough, we decided to give the blood test a go. When the phone call came through to say that I am somewhere between 6-7 weeks pregnant, we knew that we could start planning for a whole new life venture.



I guess one of the first questions is when do we tell family and friends? There certainly goes some planning into this – there is a ranking order of who should know first. It would definitely not be in very good taste if the whole facebook community knows before you have even made a phone call to your parents in law.


Fortunately for us Mario’s birthday was coming up and we had planned a family lunch for that day, so we just seized the opportunity to make that our day of announcement. We figured that none of the future grandparents would smell rat if we have them all together when Mario makes a casual announcement about the little (at that stage it was still literally little) gift to all on his birthday.


Our plan worked very well. I had my first scan the week before the lunch, so I went so far as to make a personalised card from Gruffels to his grandparents, giving them his first picture. Nobody expected anything, but Mario gave a little of it away, when he hesitated and then asked the waiter only to pour me a little bit of wine – that is just not the way my family know me, I usually enjoy my wine…


There are so many things which made that day special. Having my family with me to share in this life changing event, to see their faces, to know that this life you are carrying will have an impact on so many other lives. There are two specific things which I will never forget: the first one is my grandmother’s reaction. She always had a wish to see her great grandchildren, and I know that she has, in the last few years, especially since all her subtle pleas have fallen on deaf ears, buried that dream. At the age of 88 she also realised that she might not be there anymore to witness this event. That made her reaction so special: “I prayed to God, that he must come and take me, as I had a good life, but now I will definitely pray that He will just save me to see my first great grandchild.” I realised that we are motivated, kept alive every day, by that which we are looking forward to. As long as you have something to live for, a reason to stay alive, you can live beyond any prediction or limitation of health or age.


The second thing I realised was the power of social media. While we were sitting at the lunch table, my mother in law sent a text message to my brother in law. He immediately put a comment on facebook referring to his changing status as an uncle. If I say that it was five minutes it would probably be too long, but around that time we received a phone call from Mario’s cousin congratulating us – her source of information: Rick’s facebook page. Needless to say, we did not tell many people about the news ourselves – facebook generally did most of the work for us…






Next: Being sick, without being ill…

Pregnancy series: Calling in the help of Gruffalo

How do you tell your husband that you are expecting his baby? I have always wondered how it would happen and how I would tell him. As I was standing with my second positive pregnancy test in my hands, I realised a few things: first of all this is definitely not news I can give him telephonically, secondly I have to give it to him tonight and thirdly I need to call in someone’s help…


During a trip to London a few weeks before I came across a Gruffalo soft toy, which stole my heart. There and then I decided that this will be the messenger of good news, should I ever find out I am pregnant. Little did I know how soon that day would come. As Mario was still called out I had some time. I wrapped Gruffalo, with the positive pregnancy test firmly between his legs. Surely that would make the message loud and clear.


Obviously by now I was so excited that even if I wanted to sleep I would not be able to. I waited – hoping that every movement outside would be my husband coming home. I waited a while. Around 1am that morning he came back – very surprised to find me wide awake in bed.


The little gift baffled him initially. He was not sure why I would want to give him a gift from the UK 3 weeks after I returned and that in the middle of the night. Initially he did not see the little piece of undeniable evidence, but Gruffalo quickly pointed to the reason for his surprise arrival.


After that we could not sleep anyway. We chatted for hours about this gigantic change in our lives, our hopes, our fears and overall this undeserved miracle that was unfolding in our lives.


Needless to say – this little pea of life got the name Gruffalo, that is until we will come up with the real name. So welcome little Gruffalo.


Next: A Second confirmation

Pregnancy series: It must be heartburn

Once you have left the world of contraception behind, you always have in the back of your mind the possibility that you might be pregnant. Therefore, each month at the end of a cycle you wait for the confirmation that for some comes as a relief and a disappointment for others. I did not have the privilege of knowing. My cyclical behaviour after discontinuation of all preventative methods was not regular to say the least. Thus, I was almost living in the dark.
Despite this, we had the confirmation from the gynaecologist that anatomically everything looked good, so we took the road of patient waiting, not expecting any action too soon.


But most ladies who have been pregnant will know – it comes at a time when you least expect it!


Yes, it was the same with me. There were a few times when I was convinced I was pregnant, actually many times. For that reason I went and bought a box of pregnancy tests, but every time the test result was negative.


Everything started during a business trip to Mauritius. It was a good week. I can’t deny it – I enjoyed a glass of wine, even a cocktail every now and then (after working hours in case you wondered). Half way through the week I noticed a few things: first of all I could not get out of bed in the morning to do my usual hotel gym session. I tried to explain the phenomenon – must be the humidity and the busy days (must say the Mauritians have a heart of gold, and my work colleagues made sure I saw every inch of the island after work). And then I had the most horrible heartburn and indigestion. I initially thought it was the spicy food, so I cut down on that, but it did not matter what I ate, it just got worse.


I must say, by the end of the week I was actually relieved to go back to my normal routine and food choices. Little did I know that nothing would ever be the same again…


The Friday night after I landed and my husband dropped me off at home (he left again, because he was on duty), I immediately dived into the medicine cupboard and took an antacid tablet. Only after I took the antacid, the thought came to me to maybe do the pregnancy test again.


I did and waited. First one line appeared and then… another. I double checked, yes this means I am pregnant. First reaction, denial… I re-did the test, the same result.


What are the first emotions and thoughts that go through your mind? For a moment everything inside me froze. It was almost as if my whole inner being was re-set – my mind, my body everything in me responded to this positive test. Yes, I was very happy and excited, but it is almost as if you don’t want to get excited before someone else knows about your joy. So, next mission – Mario must get the news.


Next: Calling in the help of Gruffalo

Pregnancy series: The Decision

Many women fantasize about the day when the reason for the missed monthly period is not stress, but the prospect of a new life developing inside of them.


I might sound very career-driven, selfish or maybe both, but I never fantasized about that. I never dreamed and desired a child of my own. Don’t understand me wrong – I love children and I always knew that I would love to have a child of my own, but it was knowledge, not a fantasy. Maybe that is what 6 years of study and a few rotations through paediatrics does to you. I only came in contact with ill, dirty, screaming and malnourished babies.


So, not surprisingly, it took me much longer than the average female homo sapient, to finally make the decision that I will not prevent Mother Nature to take her course.


So in November last year, much to my husband’s surprise and joy (most probably relief as well) I told him that we can move into a new direction. That small step alone changed my life. Suddenly I became aware of another potential ability I as a female human being had within me. With that came questions: what if we struggle to fall pregnant, do we tell anybody we are trying, what if, what if…?


We decided to keep the fact that we are trying a secret. We would not lie if asked directly, but vague answers like: “We are not doing anything actively to prevent it anymore. “We hoped would keep everyone satisfied. Our main motivation for doing it in secret like very naughty school children, was to give ourselves some breathing (if you can call it that) space. We wanted to keep the pressure off.


So apart from the fact that I made a visit to the gynaecologist (I had to find a gynae before I became pregnant), we upgraded on our medical aid and I did not buy any contraception anymore (yippee R80 a month more to spend) our lives went on as usual.


They gynaecologist did warn that my cycles are quite irregular – that means that we could not really time the whole act of conception. Must say that took the pressure off completely, because in my mind I did not think that I would fall pregnant very fast.


Famous last words….


Next: It must be heartburn.

Pregnancy series: Finding a topic...

Any writer will know that finding a topic to write on is sometimes the hardest part of writing any piece. There are so many things you have to keep in mind: your audience, your experience and knowledge on the topic, will it be interesting?


I am facing the same situation. I would like to write about things that interest me and my audience. I had a long and deep thought about it. Initially I did not want to write about something too ordinary. I do not think you want to hear about me getting up every morning, going to gym (or not), sitting in an air conditioned office until 5 and going home to cook dinner. But on the other hand, it is the ordinary things that we can identify with.


I am currently reading a book by Neil Pasricha – The book of Awesome. He lists all the things that make life an awesome experience. Everything in there are ordinary, small events or things, which cost nothing but still provides us with pleasure and makes life worth living. So, yes I was convinced that it is indeed more worthwhile to write about the small things in life which we enjoy.


I especially like his mention of things like: finding an open parking space in front of the shop and the smell of rain on dry ground.


After this revelation I made the decision to take you on a journey through all my pregnancy experiences up to date. A whole 28 weeks of it. Maybe around 21, if you keep in mind I only found out I was pregnant around 7 weeks. I hope that those who have had the privilege to be pregnant it will serve as a pleasant memory of a very special time in their lives. For those who have not been down this road yet, may it not be scaring you off.


Just enjoy the journey with me. The journey of becoming a mother.

Next: The Decision

Book list

A few people have asked me to please put the list of some of my favourite books onto my blog, so finally here it is.
I will update it as we go along.





Albom, Mitch - Tuesdays with Morrie (Non-fiction)


Amirrezvani, A - The blood of flowers (Fiction)


Archer, Jeffrey - A quiver full of arrows (Fiction)


Archer, Jeffrey - Kain and Abel (Fiction)


Archer, Jeffrey - Prodigal daughter (Fiction)


Archer, Jeffrey - Twelve red herrings (Fiction)


Archer, Jeffrey - To cut a long story short (Fiction)


Arhcer, Jeffrey - A twist in the tale (Fiction)


Armstrong, Lance - It's not about the bike (Biography)


Austen, Jane - Pride and prejudice (Fiction)


Barber, Hilton -  Postcards from the ledge (Travel)


Branson, Richard - Loosing my virginity (Biography)


Bronte, Emily - Wuthering heights (Fiction)


Brown, Christie - My left foot (Biography)


Brown, Dan - Angels and Demons (Fiction)


Brown, Dan - The Da Vinci Code (Fiction)


Brown, Dan - Deception point (Fiction)


Bryson, Bill - Down under (Travel)


Buckingham, Marcus - The one thing you need to know… (Psychology)


Canfield, J - Chicken soup for the soul 2 (Psychology)


Carroll, Lewis - Alice in Wonderland (Fiction)


Coelho, Paulo - The alchemist (Fiction)


Colbert, Don - Deadly emotions (Psychology)


Cook, Robert - Brain (Fiction)


Cornwell, Patricia - Potrait of a killer Historiese (Fiction)


Covey, Stephen - 7 Habits of highly effective people (Psychology)


Dahl, Roald - Over to you (Fiction)


Dahl, Roald - Roald Dahl Omnibus (Fiction)


Davies, Martin - The conjurer's bird (Fiction)


De Villiers, IL - Te vroeg vir moedverloor (Psychology)


De Villiers, IL- Klein geskenk van geloof (Psychology)


De Villiers, IL -  Die geluk van onsin (Psychology)


De Villiers, IL- Die koningin se voetkombersie (Psychology)


Dicey, William -  Borderline (Non-fiction)


Eldrige John - Captivating (Christian)

Eldridge, John -  Desire (Christian)


Exupery, Antoine De Saint - The little prince (Fiction)


Fosnes, Erik - Psalm at journey's end (Fiction)


Frank, Catherine - A chainles soul - Emily Bronte (Biography)


Frankl, Victor - Man's search for meaning (Psychology)


Frey, James - A million little pieces (Biography)


Fynn - Mister God, this is Anna (Fiction)


George, Margaret - Memoirs of Cleopatra (Historical Fiction)


Gibran, Kahlil - The prophet (Psychology)


Gladwell, Malcolm - Blink (Psychology)


Gladwell, Malcolm - The tipping point (Psychology)


Gladwell, Malcolm - Outliers (Psychology)


Gladwell, Malcolm - What the dog saw (Psychology)


Grogan, John - Marley and me (Non-fiction)


Haddon, Mark - The curious incident of the dog in the night time (Fiction)


Harris, Joanne - Holy Fools (Fiction)


Helfgott, Gillian -  Love you to bits and pieces (Biography)


Horwood, William - Toad triumphant (Fiction)


Horwood, William - Callanah (Fiction)


Hudson, JF - Die koning se vertroueling (Fiction)


Hunt, John- The art of the idea (Psychology)


Irving, Washington - Tales from the Alhambra (Historical) 


Jackson, Marni - Pain (Psychology)


Janson, Murray - Opsoek na die ware Jesus (Christian)


Johnson, Barbara - I'm so glad you told me (Psychology)


Johnson, Barbara - Stick a geranium in you hat and be happy (Psychology)


Kingsolver, Barbara - The poisonwood Bible (Fiction)


Le Roux, A - Juweeltjies vir 'n vriending (Pscychology)


Lee, Harper - To kill a mocking bird (Fiction)


Lewis, CS - The screwtape letters (Christian)


Lewis, CS - Chronicles of Narnia (Fiction)


Lindqurst, Ulla-Carin - Rowing without oars (Non-fiction)


Lovell, Moira - Departures (Fiction)


Luard, Nicholas - The last wilderness (Fiction)


Maartens, Maretha - Ruitevrou (Fiction)


Martin, Henno - Sheltering desert (Non-fiction)


Masood, Steven - Into the light (Fiction)


Matthee, Daleen - Moerbeibos (Fiction)


Matthee, Daleen - Brug van die esels (Fiction)


McCann, Richard - Just a boy (Non-fiction)


McCourt, Frank - Angela's Ashes (Historical Fiction)


McCourt, Frank - Tis (Historical Fiction)


Mittner, Esme - Tussen die vloer en die politoer (Psychology)


Nel, Henrietta - Stories met stekies (Psychology)


Peale, Norman Vincent - The power of positive thinking (Christian)


Peck, Scott  M- In search of stones (Psychology)

Peck, Scott M - The road less traveled (Psychology)


Roberts, Gregory David - Shantaram (Non-fiction)


Rushdie, S - The enchantress of Florence (Fiction)


Sasson, Jean - Mayada (Fiction)


Sasson, Jean - Princess (Fiction)


Shakespeare, William - Twelth Night (Fiction)


Sherill, Elizabeth - All the way to heaven (Christian)


Siegel, Bernie - Love, medicine and miracles (Medical psychology)


Soueit, Ahdaf - A map of love (Fiction)


Steyn, Esta - Die grafte jubel (Fiction)


Suraowecki, J - The wisdom of crowds (Psychology)


Thum, Marianne - I have life (Non-fiction)


Tolken, JRR - Lord of the Rings (Fiction)


Tolken, JRR - The Hobbit (Fiction)


Van der Merwe, Arien - Stres strategie (Medical)


Van Deventer, H - n Vriend vir altyd (honderde hondestories) (Fiction)


Van Schalkwyk, Johan - Salomo (Christian)


Wilkinson, DM - The prayer of Jabez, for women (Christian)


Wurmbrand, Richard - Ondergronds vir God (Christian)


Yen - Falling leaves (Fiction)

Conservation

Definition:


Preservation or restoration from loss, damage, or neglect


We all know what conservation means. There are so many organisations devoted to the cause of conservation, each of them with a different target from rhinos to insects. Overall the act of conservation is a positive one, the aim is noble – to protect and preserve that which is valuable.


But what are the pre-requisites to conservation? First of all the object we would like to conserve must not be extinct. It is too late to start a conservation project for the Dodo – once the object of conservation has vanished, no money or action will be able to bring it back.


Secondly, that which we would like to conserve needs to be precious and valuable. I have not come across a weed conservation program. Weeds are simply not useful to use, we do not see any value in it.


Thirdly, it must be a scarce resource. Conservation efforts usually aim at the things which are not found in abundance. Driving through the Kruger National Park one comes across efforts to protect rhinos, wild dogs, cheetahs, ground hornbills – to name a few. The impala though does not fall into that category – understandably, because you find them behind every bush.

Looking at these pre-requisites I realised that there are many people and things in my own life which needs conservation. Take the precious relationships in my life for example. Any relationship meets all three pre-requisites needed for conservations. A relationship exists willingly, but can become extinct. We all have precious relationships and every relationship being a unique interaction between two people is a scarce resource. Thus, every relationship needs constant conservation.


Conservation of relationships can come in many formats. It comes through quality time spent with the person, through prayer for the relationship, through listening, being there for the other person.


We sometimes only realise too late that we should have conserved the things that are precious to us.


It is so easy to focus on the impalas around us – those things that are in abundance, requires our attention, but is not going to change our lives.


The trick is to spot the leopards and the rhinos in our lives, and work actively every day to keep them alive.


So, get those binoculars out. Re-evaluate your life and find out what is truly important and needs to conservation efforts.

Swangerskap

Ek is pynlik bewus dat ek tot op hede nog geen woord op die blog gerep het oor die swangerskapservaring nie.


Vele redes: ek wil nie graag die blog oor my en my doen en late maak nie. Hierdie bly ‘n platform van inspirasie en lewenskommentaar. Meeste vroue wat al swanger was weet dat swangerskap nie heeltyd ‘n inspirerende ervaring is nie. Altans so tussendeur die mislikheid en gedurende die paar ure in my eerste trimester wat ek nie moeg was nie, het dit beslis nie gevoel asof ek gemaak was vir die swangerskapsaksie nie.


Maar, dit sal ook verbygaan. En nou dat ek al soos die wyses van ouds gesê het: “Vêr heen is….” En beslis nie meer die swangerskapservaring kan wegsteek nie (eenvoudig omdat die boepie huidiglik my mees opsigtelike bate is), het ek die moed bymekaargeskraap om my ervaring te deel.


Dit bly ‘n voorreg. Die eerste gedagte toe ek die urine doopstokkie met die twee strepies sien was om dit te herhaal. Sjoe, dit kan nie waar wees nie. ‘n Mens kan nie die gevoel vir iemand beskryf tot jy dit beleef het nie. Jy weet dat daar paartjies is wat jare bid, baie geld uithaal vir infertiliteitsbehandeling en soms steeds na jare met ‘n groot leemte in hulle lewe moet saamleef. Hier is ons, swanger selfs gouer as wat ons gedink het dit sou gebeur.


Dit is oorweldigend. Ek was nog nooit ‘n ma nie. Daar is hopeloos te veel swangerskapsboeke geskryf wat raad gee van om ‘n poefdoek om te ruil tot ‘n band te smee terwyl kleinding nog in die baarmoeder is. ‘n Vriendin se geleende boek: “How not to be a perfect mother.” het tot my redding gekom. Ek is nie perfek nie, ek hoef ook nie te wees nie en niemand anders gaan hierdie lewetjie se ma kan wees nie. Niemand anders ken hierdie dingetjie so goed soos ek nie. So vir eers sal ons maar ontspan – tot daardie eerste poefdoek….


Vir die eerste keer in my lewe offer ek my liggaam vrywilliglik op vir die voortbestaan van ‘n ander wese. Sjoe, ‘n mens moet nie te veel hieroor dink nie. Maar wanneer die klere nie meer pas nie (veral nie die bras nie), rekmerke, spatare en sooibrand ‘n werklikheid word (gelukkig het ek nog nie die eerste twee nie, ons smeer maar die Happy Event en hou by baie vesel….) besef jy terdee dat swangerskap teen ‘n prys kom. Ek is bevoorreg – ek het ‘n man was glo ek is die sexyste swanger vrou wat al ooit die aardbol bewoon het (dankie My Liefie, jy is my redding) – veral op dae wat die skaal al swaarder trek en jy wonder of jy ooit weer in daardie nou swart nommertjie in die kas sal pas (jammer dat mens dit nou gekoop het net voor jy uitgevind het jy is swanger).


Dit is ‘n sosiale ervaring. Dit is ongelooflik hoe vrymoedig mense is wanneer jy swanger is. Vreemde tannies op straat knoop gesprekke aan. Mense by die werk , wie se name ek skaars ken, stel eweskielik in my doen en late belang. Almal deel raad uit – weliswaar is sommige raad meer vermaaklik as bruikbaar, maar dit is wonderlik om oornag deel van ‘n die vroulike ervaring van moederskap te word.


Vir die eerste keer maak jy iemand anders se presente oop, sonder om vir ‘n oomblik skuldig daaroor te voel. En al gaan jy dit glad nie self gebruik nie, weet jy ten minste dat jy dit baie bruikbaar sal vind.


Daar is nog so baie wat wag. Van hier af is dit beplanning. Een ding is seker – nooit weer sal my of Mario se lewens ooit weer dieselfde wees nie.


So in ‘n neutedop: ‘n lewensveranderende, liggaamsveranderende ervaring!

Needs

We are now entering the end of the year: the Festive season, Christmas time, a time for giving. And we all try to give, to different people and for different reasons. We sometimes give out of obligation, hopefully because we find joy in giving, does not matter the reason, we mostly find ourselves quite bankrupt at the end of December.
There are many charity organisations. They all try their best to help people both with needs and those in need. One very noble effort has focussed on the distribution of malaria nets into Africa. I am sure with such a huge effort there is also an educational leg attached to the distribution, explaining the use of such a life saving device. I do not doubt that malaria net distribution is making an impact on the incidence of malaria deaths, but I found it very ironic when I saw a picture of women, somewhere in Mid-Africa, who have received a malaria net. They did use the net, but not what it was intended for. They used the net to catch fish with.


Immediately my reaction was that of disgust. How could these people be so unthankful? But then I realised that it was a question of needs. They have been living with the fear and threat of malaria all their lives, they are used to it, it might or might not kill them. But if they do not have food on the table tonight, they will not survive and most probably will not have the immunity to fight against other diseases either.


So often we base the content of what is appropriate to give to others on our own perceptions and statistics. We hear that malaria is one of the most deadly diseases in Africa, so it makes sense; we have to find a way to prevent this.


But the people who are the victims do not read the statistics. They have to live in the Africa which we have analysed statistically. Should we have asked them, they most probably would have told us that they are hungry, and would be able to feed themselves if only they had a way to catch a fish.


Now during the time of giving, I think it is more important than ever to make sure that we address the needs of other through the way and the content of what we give.


Jesus was such a perfect example of this. He did not only go out to the people around Him and preached the word. Most of the time he also made sure that the people had bread to eat before he told them about the Bread of Life.


God also knew our deepest need. He knew that we were on the path of sin, unable to save ourselves. He therefor sent the perfect gift, the gift addressing our most eternal need – His son Jesus.


Maybe we should strive to also give as thoughtfully, focussing on the true needs of others.

Is jy 'n kamera- of 'n teleskoopmens?

Daar is min dinge in die lewe wat my soveel vreugde verskaf, as om fotos te kan neem. Daar is vele redes daarvoor, maar een van hulle is dat dit ‘n groot deel uitmaak van die skep van herinneringe en hoe ek die lewe beleef. Vir my voel dit asof ek die beste van die hede maak wanneer ek iets tasbaar daarvan saam met my die toekoms inneem.


Met die gevolg dat ek heelwat geld en tyd aan hierdie stokperdjie spandeer. Ek sal veel eerder vir my ‘n nuwe stukkie kameratoerusting aanskaf as ‘n ontwerpershandsak of ‘n paar skoene.


Nou tydens ons blaaskansie by Ngwenya is ek oudergewoonte weer met my kamera op die stoep, in die hoop om ‘n diertjie met my lens vas te trek.


Net langsaan ons huisie het ‘n oom dieselfde gedagte gehad, maar sy benadering was ietwat anders.


Hy het ook ‘n duur instrument gebruik om sy dierebelewenis uit te leef, maar weliswaar ‘n teleskoop wat hy as verkyker aanwend. Ek kon sommer sien: ‘n duur stukkie toerusting.


So hier staan ons twee toe: ek met my kamera en hy met sy teleskoop. Ons albei soek diere, maar elkeen van ons het sy eie doelwit.


So is ons almal maar: meeste van ons het dieselfde doelwitte. Ons wil almal suksesvol wees, graag ‘n gesin hê, gelukkig getroud wees, onthou word, iets beteken vir ons medemens.


Maar tog verskil ons belewenisse and lewensuitkyk.


Party van ons is fotomense. Ons geniet die hier en nou, maar is ook sentimenteel, lief daarvoor om ietsie oor te hou uit die verlede waaraan ons die volgende dag kan herkou. Ons neem prentjies uit ons verlede met ons saam, sodat ons kan terugkyk en onthou.


Ander weer is teleskoopmense. Ons soek voortdurend na nuwe ervaringe. Ons sal ekstra tyd, geld en energie spandeer om die perfekte oomblik te skep en te beleef. Maar wanneer ons daardie perfekte oomblik in focus gehad het, beleef het beweeg ons aan. Sonder om terug te kyk, soek ons na die volgende nuwe ervaring.


Is daar ‘n reg of ‘n verkeerd? Nee. Elke uitkyk het beslis sy voor- en nadele.


Kameramense geniet selfs die kleinste, eenvoudigste oomblik en gebaar. Hulle is ingestel op detail en meestal ook ander se gevoelens en die ge volge van hulle aksies. Ongelukkig raak die kiekieversamelaars, soms te nostalgies en kan hulle selfs in die verlede bly leef.


Die teleskoopkykers weer is altyd opsoek na nuwe avontuur. Hulle murmureer selde, is vol ambisie en dryfkrag, pret om saam mee te wees. Maar hulle raak gou verveeld en is altyd opsoek na plekke en mense wat hulle dikwels nie kan vind nie.




Wie jy ookal is, die belangrikste is om elke dag met ope arms te begroet en die beste van elke oomblik te maak. Dit maak nie saak of jy fotos neem of die lewe deur die lense van hier-en-nou beskou nie, maak die beste daarvan.


Wees wie jy moet wees.

Dignity

David Cooperrider describes the following as three universal needs of all people:


• Have a voice and be heard;


• Be viewed as essential to a group; and


• Be seen as unique and exceptional.


I would like to put all three into one condensed statement: to be treated with dignity and respect.


People who are valued, who are listened to, complemented on their performance become loyal to those from whom they receive respect. They are energised to perform better, work harder, all in order to be the person that the others believe they are.


We are destined to become the person who others believe we can be.


Not to say that it is not possible to rise against all odds, to rise above criticism and adversity. Yes, there are those people who are doing that, but they are few. They are the ones who can write a book about their lives afterwards and live off the profit. Unfortunately I am not one of those. God has been very generous to me. He has blessed me with wonderful supporting people, or rather mentors, along my life path who have blessed me with their insight and invaluable contributions.


All I can say – this has left me in debt, in debt with so many people. I realise that the only way I will ever be able to pay off that debt is through the investment in the lives of other people.


Because I was treated with dignity, because I was heard, valued and praised as being exceptional and unique, I have the insight into the power that this can have on the lives of others.


You can never fight to gain respect, you gain respect through being patient, stepping back sometimes, listening, without judging.


You might say – but nobody has ever treated me with dignity or respect, why should I go to lengths to do the same to others?


Because even if nobody has ever listened to you, valued you, Jesus did all of that for you. Jesus valued you enough to; while you were still a sinner, lay down his life for you. He did not ask if you deserved it, He did not ask if you will return the favour. He just did it (without any Nike sponsorship). Everything, so that you will never, ever have a reason not to feel valued.

Pre-conceived Ideas

Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom. ~Merry Browne



We all plan, even if we try not to plan, somewhere in the back of your mind you try to prepare yourself for the future ahead.


In order to plan we need to create a picture of what we expect to happen in the future. We base this picture on many events from both our past and future. Most of us won’t start to plan our own wedding unless we have met a candidate that suits the description of future husband.


Planning in itself is an act that should bring us re-assurance, and ensure that our lives are heading in a certain direction. But with planning also comes a certain element of rigidity. If we do not control the action of planning, we can very easily become slaves of what I call the pre-conceived planning syndrome.


People suffering from this syndrome feel uncomfortable when life events do not happen according to their plans. Once an event does not fall within their planning schedule they either ignore it or try to change it.


Unfortunately there are many side effects of the pre-conceived planning syndrome. The sufferers feel that they lack energy, a vision. Their lives are predictable without excitement and adventure.


To all sufferers there is some good news. There are many ways to overcome the syndrome. One is to still plan – after all we all need some sort of security, but see the planning as part of the adventure. What do I mean by that? Rather view a plan as a framework, within which you can deviate and change. So make your plans broad and generalised, with enough room for growing and breathing. By doing this you will also find, that with time you handle events outside of your planning schedule with more ease.


Always remember – life is not meant to be planned, it is meant to be lived.

Sjokolade

"The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain." - Thomas Jefferson



Thomas Jefferson was definitief ‘n man voor sy tyd. Ek kan net dink dat sy sjokolade-uitlating heel waarskynlik destyds met antagonisme begroet was.


Maar inderdaad, ‘n onlangse meta-analise van data het getoon dat gereelde sjokolade inname ‘n direkte effek op kardiovaskulệre risiko het. Dit verlaag die risiko vir hartsiekte met omtrent 37% en die risiko vir beroerte met 29%. Die blye nuus gekoppel hieraan is dat dit onafhanklik is van die tipe sjokolade. Goeie nuus vir die Cadbury-liefhebbers, wat maar langtand aan ‘n stukkie donkersjokolade wurg.


Ons leef mos maar almal vir daardie klein plesiertjies in die lewe. Sjokolade is definitief een van myne.


Wat dit soveel meer spesiaal maak, is dat die keuses oneinding is. Tog het ons almal ‘n gunsteling – daardie een sjokolade wat ‘n gaatjie regdeur die harstnare boor.


Sjokolade is altyd ‘n welcome geskenk, want voel jy te skuldig om dit self aan te skaf, kan jy beslis nie te skuldig voel wanneer jy dit as geskenk ontvang het nie. Niemand kyk ‘n gegewe sjokoladeperk in die bek nie.



Sjokolade is veelsydig. Dit was met vreugde dat ek die laaste tyd die kookneigings dopgehou het – deesdae is sjokolade beslis nie meer net op die poedingpyskaart nie.


Behalwe dat ek sjokolade geniet en waardeer, is daar soveel herinneringe in sjokolade-ervarings opgesluit. Ek sal altyd Nutties assosieer met aande by die staatsteater, Astros as flieksjokolade en vir my en Mario het Lindorballetjies ‘n spesiale betekenis, want ons het ‘n ritueel dat jy met toe oë ‘n Lindorballetjie uit die boks moet kies.


Wel, een dink is verseker – met die blye nuus dat Thomas Jefferson toe al die jare reg was oor die gesondheisvoordele van sjokolade inname, is daar geen keer meer nie. Een ding sal beslis nooit weer deel van my sjokolade oomblikke wees nie – skuldgevoel.

Proposing a Toast

Proposing a toast or drinking a toast to someone has a few explanations. Most of them does relate to actual toast though. According to legend the word is derived from the 18th century English custom of covering a glass of hot wine with a slice of toast. It was then passed around the table. Each person had the opportunity to lift the toast, take a sip of wine and say a few words. The glass ended up with the person being “toasted”, who got to eat the piece of bread.
I am always interested in these useless, but very interesting bits of information.


Another interesting custom around the drinking table is the lifting and touching of glasses. There was also significance in that. The touching of the glasses, while people were looking each other in the eye had the purpose of actually mixing the content of your own glass with that of the person you were toasting with. In that way you it was ensured that nobody at the table were at the risk of being poisoned.


All very interesting, but through reading it all I realised that the act of dining and having a drink together is very significant. It is an opportunity to wish someone well, an opportunity to interact, find out how someone is really doing. I think it is very difficult to hide being unwell, when you have to eat in front of someone else.


I find the whole act of eating very intimate, almost holy. It is time during the day, when I am nurturing my own body, and it is always a privilege to share it with people who are close to you and whom you love.


Jesus also realised the importance of eating and breaking of bread together. There are so many of his wonders that revolve around eating and drinking. He also chose bread and wine as symbols for his body and blood that he spilled on the cross for us.


I believe that we should treat every opportunity to have a meal with someone we love with the utmost respect.


Make time to do that. And propose a piece of toast to an honorary guest.

Reminders

Definition: To put in mind. Something that reminds someone of something



Nobody can deny that our lives are busy. We run along our busy schedules, hoping that we will be able to keep the wheels of the cart from falling off sometimes.


In the process of running such a busy schedule, we have to constantly remind ourselves of what needs to happen next. The current moment with all its obligations and challenges takes up all our energy and attention.


I live by my diary – I am still very fond of paper. Maybe I feel that it is more tangible, more patient and like me prefers a slower pace. I know that everything that goes into my diary will get done, because there is a new page for every day. That is how I remember meetings, birthdays, to do lists.


A diary for me is an investment; I carry this companion with me for a whole year. My diary becomes a constant reminder that I have to be somewhere, do something, and be of value and worth to those around me. You want to mess with me, and then mess with my diary.


Every day I need these small reminders, a scribble on a piece of paper, the alarm clock ringing through my ears. All of them are gentle (others not so gentle) tangible elements to put something into my mind.


We need tangible things to remind us of what is important in our lives. Not only what we need to do, or where we need to be, but also of what we believe in, where we have been and travelled. From this alone you can gather that I am very sentimental. I realised this last week when I bought the ugliest bracelet form Exclusive Books, in support of the war against rhino poaching. I am wearing my bracelet every day. Every time I look down at this hideous red and black bangle, I remember who I am. I remember that I am passionate about conservation, that I would like to see that animals are protected from human evil, that I would like to teach my children respect and love for nature, that I would like to be remembered as someone who lived with a very light carbon footprint. That defines me.


Take a moment to evaluate all the reminders in your life. What do they tell about you? Does every reminder form part of your passion in life, or are you only reminded every day about negative things, that maybe should have been forgotten long ago.


Take time, put positive reminders into your life, putting into your mind what is truly important for you and those around you.

People from South Africa

People make it into the news for various reasons – corruption, their political statements, scandals, just to name a few. These reasons have to draw attention, be newsworthy. Unfortunately this leads to bias, underreporting of the good things people do, simply because good things don’t sell newspapers. It is the evil in us that creates gossip, attracts attention. This leads to a general perception that the people of our country are bad, that we might be the next victim of someone else’s evil intent.


I don’t deny that we have to be cautious. I do not deny that bad things happen to good people. But I do think that we have an over perception that most South Africans are bad.


I must admit that I also suffer from that perception often. We are so used to locking our cars, our houses, alarming our lives against any intruders that we tend to cut all interaction with strangers from our existence. May I call it a false sense of security?


A few days ago all these beliefs of mine was rattled in its foundations. I was on my way to the parking pay station. A street musician has conveniently positioned himself next to the pay station, singing his love songs in the hope that some of the parking change would fall into his pocket. As I approached he focussed his attention on me, singing a love song and walking closer and closer to catch my attention. In the mind set I described previously I did not find his attention very pleasant and tried to firmly ignore him, shuffling past. I must admit I was almost a little irritated and thought by myself that I don’t think I will give him any of my change.


The machine demanded R4-00 from me. Bad luck, no small change in my pocket that day, only a R50. I put the R50 in, dreading all the coins it will be spitting out in return. But instead, the machine spit back my R50. My friend the street musician noticed and pointed out that the machine only took R10 and R20 notes (which I did not have). I was on my way to step out of the queue, back up the stairs to seek some change. Then the musician offered me two R2 coins.


“Take it” he said. I refused (must say I was a little embarrassed) “Take it, and pay it forward…”he insisted.


I took the coins from his hands, ashamed to say the least. The lady behind me gave him a R10 – “From both of us” she said.


I learned a dear lesson that day. Never to judge people by their looks or approach – you cannot see their hearts. Give even if someone irritates you. It is from the people that you least expect it, that you will be saved.


I realised that my whole life will have to be an act of paying forward the unexpected good deeds that others have done for me.

Suurlemoenboom

‘n Suurlemoen is ‘n uitnemende vrug. Hy besit oor vele benoemenswaardige kwaliteite. Sy helder voorkoms is genoeg om enige wintersdag op te helder. ‘n Bak vol suurlemoene het altyd ‘n positiewe dekoratiewe uitwerking en die vermoë om selfs die verveligste vertrek op te kikker.

Sy sap is reinigend, verfrissend. Vele slaaisouse, kooksouse, somerdrankies, om maar net ‘n paar te noem, het hulle komplimente te danke aan die suurlemoen.

Soos die leser reeds kon agterkom, het ‘n beslis ‘n bewondering vir die suurlemoen. Daarom sal dit dan ook nie ‘n verrassing wees wanneer ek meedeel dat ek van kleins af al besluit het dat ek graag eendag in my tuin die trotse tuinier van ‘n suurlemoenboom wou wees nie.


Ja, almal het my vertel: ‘n suurlemoenboom is ‘n moeilike kalant. Hy het baie aandag, water en al daardie groen vinger woorde nodig, waarvan ek maar min weet. Nietemin, ek was vasbeslote. So in ons eerste woonplek met ‘n tuin was die suurlemoenboom een van die eerste bome wat geplant is.


Maar helaas, soos dit maar met eerste woonplekke is, bly mens gewoonlik nie langtermyn daar nie. En soos dit ook met suurlemoenbome gestalt is, begin hulle nie oornag vrugte dra nie. Suurlemoenboom het agtergebly en ek moes afskeid neem, sonder dat ek ooit die vreugde van die eerste suurlemoen van die boom gepluk, kon smaak. By die tweede woonplek het dieselfde ritueel hom weer herhaal. So het dit voortgegaan. Ek kon later sonder om dit te help al in my geestesoog die ritueel beleef: ry na kwekery, soek ‘n sterk boompie uit, plant hom, troetel hom, trek weg voor hy vrugte dra…






Uiteindelik het ek radeloos besluit – by ons volgende tuiste, sal ek nie myself weer hieraan blootstel nie. Nou moet ek vir eens en vir altyd ophou suurlemoenbome aan die gemeenskap skenk.


Die dag toe ons gaan kyk na die huis waar ons nou bly was daar vele positiewe eienskappe wat my oortuig het dat ons van die huis ‘n tuiste sou kon maak: ‘n groot tuin, kaggel, swembad, buite kuierarea, ruimte – en dit was genoeg om my te laat voel, dat ek hier wil bly.


Maar daar was ‘n kersie op die koek. Amper soos ‘n teken van Bo, dat hierdie huis vir ons bestem is. Agter in die tuin, heel verlate en op sy eie het daar ‘n suurlemoenboom gestaan.


Ek kon amper nie my oë glo nie. Hy was vol vrugte, van hierdie lekker growwe skil suurlemoene wat mens altyd oor droom, maar nooit in die winkel kan koop nie.


Dit is wonderlik – ek hoef wraggies nie die keer weer ‘n suurlemoenboom te plant nie!


En glo my ons pluk sy vrugte. Ons is nie skaam om enige resep met suurlemoensap in te probeer nie, ons deel uit, stal hulle in die huis uit. Dit is een groot vreugde!






Daar is soveel dae waarin ek al in my hart dankie gesê het vir die onbekende weldoener wat hierdie suurlemoenboom geplant het. Dalk het hy, net soos ek nooit die vrugte van sy eie plantartbeid geniet nie. Dit het my laat besef: hou aan met suurlemoenbome plant, selfs al beleef jy nie self nie vrug daarvan nie. Eendag, onverwags sal jy self die gevolge van jou weldade beleef.






Plant ‘n boom, elke dag, sodat jou skaduwee lafenis kan verskaf, selfs wanneer jy self eendag nie meer daar is nie.