When you are not in control anymore...

I read a truth written by Joyce Meyers this week, which stuck with me: how you react to the things you can’t control determine your stress level.

We all aim to lead a stress-free life. We would all love to constantly feel that we are in control of our lives. So often the things we do, think and feel are all woven around the heart of this longing to obtain peace and calm. We do yoga, meditate, draw up schedules burdened with to-do-lists. We try, but so often all in vain.

But why?

After reading this piece by Joyce it struck me that we often try to maintain a stress-free life through focussing on how we react to the things we can control. We do have many choices in life and thankfully through exercising disciplined choices after careful consideration of the consequences, we have the ability to avoid many, unnecessary stressors. Unfortunately that does not guarantee a life devoid from stress.

To our dismay, after all our careful planning we still end up with stomach ulcers, headaches, muscle spasms and sleep disturbances as a result of stress.

But why?

The answer is simple. There are so many things over which we simply do not have any control, and never will have. A bumper bash, the death of a loved one, the weather, the choices of others, just to name a few. All these uncontrollable events have the potential to cause stress, either negative or positive in your life. That is a given – you have no control over that. The only thing you do have control over is your reaction to those events. That reaction is a choice. As a child, most of us struggle to gain control over this reaction. We tend to overreact. But as years pass by, we do gain wisdom ( or most of us) and with the application of this wisdom comes the opportunity to minimise the amount of stress uncontrollable events generate in our lives.

Life will never be stress free. The moment you wake-up without a source of stress in your life, you are most probably dead or on a vacation, only existing in your dreams. That does not mean we should stop minimising stress in our lives. We all need stress to function. Stress gives us energy, a drive, the fuel to aim for the stars. But all within limits. Fire is a useful and much needed source of energy, but a fire out of control is dangerous. It can give life, but it can also kill, if not kept under control.

The same with stress. We need it, but when it is not kept under control, it will ‘kill’ us from the inside .

Kindle the fire, but don’t let it break through into the reaction field of those events beyond your control.

Moederskap

‘n Terugblik op die afgelope 6 maande

Na my vorige skrywe met dieselfde tema, voel dit asof daar reeds baie water in die see geloop het en tog is dit maar net 6 maande. Ses maande is egter Andreas se volle leeftyd. ‘n Leeftyd waarin hy van van toe-oog bondelbaba tot ‘n nuuskierige rakkertjie gevorder het.

Die aanvanklike bomskok van nuutgevonde moederskap het plek gemaak vir ‘n rustiger wete: vir die res van my lewe sal ek ‘n mamma bly.

Nog nooit het ek so baie omtrent myself geleer soos die afgelope 6 maande nie. Jy vind uit hoe jy in ekstreme omstandighede reageer – vroegoggend (want die mannetjie is teen 5am uitgeslaap), in die middel van die nag, dwarsdeur die dag. Jy ontdek dat jy reserwes het waarvan jy maar in jou studentejare, die paar aande voor ‘n eksamen, net gedroom het.

Elke oomblik van die dag herleef ek my kinderjare. Al die liedjies en stories wat ek by my ma en ouma geleer het kom nou heel handig te pas en wonder bo wonder onthou ek nog al die kinderrympies en liedjies se woorde. Dit is nogal nostalgies om weer liedjies soos die padda wou gaan opsit, Wouter Kabouter and Oom Jan sny koring uit volle bors te kan sing.

As mamma het ek die voorreg om die lewe van voor af te herontdek: deur die oë van ‘n baba. Vir Andreas is alles nuut en opwindend. Hy meet nie waarde aan geld of status nie. Hy ken nie die woord pretensie nie. Die lewe is eenvoudig daar om aan te gryp. Elke dag is ‘n reis. Solank hy net ‘n ding by sy mond kan uitkry het hy die eindpunt van sy ontdekkingsreis bereik.

Daar is niks soos ‘n baba om jou nederig te hou nie. Maak nie saak hoe hard jy probeer met waslap, borslap, spoeglap of kombuislap nie, spoeg, melk en baie ander minder aangename afskeidings word deel van jou lewe. Jou doelwit is nie meer om modieus en gegrimeer die huis te verlaat nie, nee wat om net skoon anderkant uit te kom is al klaar ‘n prestasie…

Na 6 maande skrik jy nie meer vir die huil van ‘n baba nie. ‘n Mens kom gou agter, dat hierdie klein wesentjies uiteindelik baie tawwer is as wat mens ooit kon dink – hulle moet uiteindelik hulle ouers se handelinge oorleef. Jy ken ook nou al jou baba. Ek sal nie sover gaan om te sê dat ek aan my kind se toon van huil kan aflei wat hy nodig het nie, maar ek kan darem deur middel van vinnige eliminasie by die mees waarskynlike rede uitkom.

Wanneer ek so terugkyk oor die paar maande kan ek nie anders nie as om net in dankbaarheid my hande na bo te strek nie. Dankie Here, dat ek die voorreg kan hê om iemand se mamma te wees. Dit is so groot verantwoordelikheid – meer as oorweldigend by tye, maar in geloof weet ek dat die Hemelse Vader wat hierdie wesentjie aan ons toevertrou het, ook vir ons die wysheid en insig sal gee om Andreas tot Sy eer groot te maak.


Ek sal nooit vir Andreas kan besit nie – hy sal altyd God se eiendom bly. Alhoewel ons vandag al die besluite rondom sy bestaan vir hom maak, gaan hy uiteindelik eendag self sy eie besluite moet neem.

Ten spyte van dit als weet ek: Andreas het my hart in sy besit geneem en die besluit om ‘n ouer te word was die geweldigste, maar beste besluit ooit!

Why I do art

To all the people who nurtured my right brain to its current state of awareness and activity: Hilary, Gerda and Alanna.


The brain is not like any other organ. Rather, I can describe the brain as a whole body in itself. We can extend this comparison to exercise. Nobody would only exercise or use his arms. Through doing that you might be able to pick up heavy objects, but if your legs are not utilised or exercised even lifting up those heavy objects will not help much if you cannot carry the objects around. The body works as a unit. The actions of the legs complement those of the arms, the one cannot replace the other. With this concept in mind, I am always surprised when people cannot understand that practising a form of art is absolutely essential for brain survival.


The brain consists of a left and a right side. That is very obvious, and hopefully for those without a science background not too technical. The brain also functions, governing our actions and thoughts through utilisation of either the right or the left hemisphere. Certain thought patterns are steered by either the left or right hemisphere. The left is responsible for logical thought, calculations and analysis. Needless to say, our school system fosters left brain thought patterns. The right hemisphere on the other hand is creative, the out-of-the- box thinking and behaviour.


To make this divide clear through a single picture – your typical business man would be a left brainer and a painter a right brainer.


All is well then, or so it seems. If the left brain governs all which is logical and analytical, then it seems obvious that a business man should be using his left brain. One might even state that his right brain is redundant and using a right brain approach to his daily challenges might be dangerous.


The same with the painter. Why would a painter need analytical and logical thoughts to govern his painting, would that not interfere with the creative process?


This is where the comparison of the brain as a body on its own can serve to illustrate the importance of using both sides of your brain. Personally I have found that utilising art as a medium to keep my right brain alive and healthy I am able to use creative thought and fresh perspectives when tackling tasks and challenges meant targeted at my left brain. On the other hand, my left brain logic and analytical skills serve me well when doing a painting or sketch.


The one needs the other.


All of us are involved in left brain thought and actions daily. To unlock right brain thought does take some conscious decision and action, at least for some of us. That is where I find practising a form of art useful, even if only for a few hours a week. It can be playing an instrument, painting, singing, baking, just to name a few.


The purpose is to awaken the right brain. Once the right brain is re-instituted to its well-deserved glory, you will be surprised to find how much easier even the left brain decisions become – simply because you are using your whole body of grey matter.