Pregnancy series: Being sick without being ill...

I guess some woman are lucky, they do not even realise they are pregnant during the first trimester.

My experience was a little different. I had a few constant reminders that my body was changing and preparing itself for a new adventure at a rapid pace.


I personally think that the term morning sickness is a misnomer. I had all day sickness. I woke up nauseous – the only thing that changed was that it got worse during the day and that I just experienced tiredness beyond comprehension as the day went along.


I tried Vomifene, ginger tea – nothing helped, except eating all the time. So I woke up with a banana beside my bed and literally ate my way through the day.


Just to complement the fact that I was not feeling great I also looked like a pimple-faced teenager, while having heartburn of an overweight 50 year old.


I must say, those first few weeks did not make me excited about being pregnant at all, but it was a good reality check. Despite the fact that I was feeling close to death, I never thought once that I did not want this.


It is also amazing to see how many people understand what you are going through, simply because they have all gone through it themselves.


And then amazingly one day you wake up and you start feeling yourself again. You can eat meat again, stomach the smell of coffee and stop eating Marie Biscuits for survival.


I think my biggest fear during those first few weeks was that I would be one of the unlucky people who would be nauseous throughout their whole pregnancy. For the ladies who have experienced that – my deepest sympathy. After all you can only eat Marie Biscuits for so long.

Verwerping

Op ‘n wegbreek naby Hoedspruit het ons die Moholoholo diererehabilitasie-sentrum besoek. Daar is een spesifieke “dieregeval”wat my altyd sal bybly. ‘n Arend wat gesond in sy hok gesit het. Die wildbewaarder het sy tragiese verhaal vir ons vertel. Hy is as kuiken deur ‘ n boer uit die nes geneem en met die hand grootgemaak. Die boer het goed bedoel, want slegs een van die twee kuikens sal oorleef. Die sterkste kuiken skop altyd die swakker een uit die nes. Die uiteinde van hierdie grootmaakproses, was egter dat die arend ‘n menslike bloudruk ontvang het. Die eerste lewende wese wat hy kan onthou is ‘n mens, en daarom glo hy day hy ‘n mens is. Ongelukkig het dit tragiese gevolge. Hy val mense aan, om sy gebied te beskerm, maar bied geen weerstand teen ander arende, wat in die natuur sy eintlik bedreiging is nie.


Uiteindelik moes die arend maar die res van sy lewe in ‘n hok deurbring.


Ek het al dikwels gewonder: wat maak of breek iemand. Hoekom het party mense die vermoë om ten spyte van moeilike omstandighede nogsteeds positief te bly? ‘n Mens kan vele argumente hier rondom aanvoer. Persoonlike keuse, jou geloof en waardestelsel speel natuurlik alles ‘n rol.


Tog het ek gesien dat daar een faktor is wat mense te midde van omstandighede wat buite hulle beheer is kan staande hou en dit is die liefde, ondersteuning en aanvaarding van jou ouers .


‘n Kind wat van kleins af weet en ervaar dat hy die grootste skat in sy ouers se lewe is, wat ten spyte van sy tekortkome nogsteeds ‘n bron van trots en vreugde vir sy ouers is het soveel meer kans om iets in die lewe te bereik.


Niks in hierdie lewe is gewaarborg nie. Dus, kan ‘n mens alles doen: jou kind lief hê, aanvaar en nogsteeds mag hulle eie keuses hulle dalk lei op paaie wat ‘n mens as ouer hulle nie toewens nie, maar met liefde en aanvaarding is hulle kanse net soveel beter.


Die teendeel is ongelukkig ook waar. ‘n Kind wat van kleins af ervaar het dat hy nie goed genoeg is vir sy ouers nie, of altyd met ander broers of susters vir aandag moet kompeteer, se kanse om selfaanvaarding en sukses te bereik is net soveel kleiner. Dit is asof daardie kind permanent moet veg teen die prentjie wat sy ouers van himself in sy kop ingeprent het.


Net soos die arendkuiken sy identiteit ontvang van sy arendouers, met wie hy eerste in kontak was, so word ‘n kind se selfbeeld ook gevorm deur die kontak wat hy met sy ouers het.


‘n Ouer het ‘n reuse verantwoordelikheid – jy het die mag om jou kind te omskep in ‘n trotse arend, wat die vermoë het om die aanslae van hierdie wêreld die hoof te bied, of ‘n halwe mens wat vir die res an sy lewe toegesluit word agter die tralies van wanpersepsie en verwerping.


Dit is uiteindelik wat God gedoen het. Dit is die Kersboodskap. Hy het Jesus uit die hemelse nes geskop en Hom aarde toe gestuur.


Uiteindelik was die bittereste toets wat Jesus moes weerstaan die pyn van verwerping.


Aan die kruis het Hy voor sy dood die bitterste woorde getuiter:


“My God, my God waarom het U my verlaat?”


Dit alles sodat ek en jy elke dag van ons lewens na God ons Vader kan kyk en arendskinders kan word, wat hoër en hoer vlieg.

Pregnancy series: A Second confirmation

After a night of excitement and little sleep we had one mission the next day: a pregnancy blood test. Typical of human nature, we tend to question everything in life. As if two positive urine pregnancy tests were not enough, we decided to give the blood test a go. When the phone call came through to say that I am somewhere between 6-7 weeks pregnant, we knew that we could start planning for a whole new life venture.



I guess one of the first questions is when do we tell family and friends? There certainly goes some planning into this – there is a ranking order of who should know first. It would definitely not be in very good taste if the whole facebook community knows before you have even made a phone call to your parents in law.


Fortunately for us Mario’s birthday was coming up and we had planned a family lunch for that day, so we just seized the opportunity to make that our day of announcement. We figured that none of the future grandparents would smell rat if we have them all together when Mario makes a casual announcement about the little (at that stage it was still literally little) gift to all on his birthday.


Our plan worked very well. I had my first scan the week before the lunch, so I went so far as to make a personalised card from Gruffels to his grandparents, giving them his first picture. Nobody expected anything, but Mario gave a little of it away, when he hesitated and then asked the waiter only to pour me a little bit of wine – that is just not the way my family know me, I usually enjoy my wine…


There are so many things which made that day special. Having my family with me to share in this life changing event, to see their faces, to know that this life you are carrying will have an impact on so many other lives. There are two specific things which I will never forget: the first one is my grandmother’s reaction. She always had a wish to see her great grandchildren, and I know that she has, in the last few years, especially since all her subtle pleas have fallen on deaf ears, buried that dream. At the age of 88 she also realised that she might not be there anymore to witness this event. That made her reaction so special: “I prayed to God, that he must come and take me, as I had a good life, but now I will definitely pray that He will just save me to see my first great grandchild.” I realised that we are motivated, kept alive every day, by that which we are looking forward to. As long as you have something to live for, a reason to stay alive, you can live beyond any prediction or limitation of health or age.


The second thing I realised was the power of social media. While we were sitting at the lunch table, my mother in law sent a text message to my brother in law. He immediately put a comment on facebook referring to his changing status as an uncle. If I say that it was five minutes it would probably be too long, but around that time we received a phone call from Mario’s cousin congratulating us – her source of information: Rick’s facebook page. Needless to say, we did not tell many people about the news ourselves – facebook generally did most of the work for us…






Next: Being sick, without being ill…

Pregnancy series: Calling in the help of Gruffalo

How do you tell your husband that you are expecting his baby? I have always wondered how it would happen and how I would tell him. As I was standing with my second positive pregnancy test in my hands, I realised a few things: first of all this is definitely not news I can give him telephonically, secondly I have to give it to him tonight and thirdly I need to call in someone’s help…


During a trip to London a few weeks before I came across a Gruffalo soft toy, which stole my heart. There and then I decided that this will be the messenger of good news, should I ever find out I am pregnant. Little did I know how soon that day would come. As Mario was still called out I had some time. I wrapped Gruffalo, with the positive pregnancy test firmly between his legs. Surely that would make the message loud and clear.


Obviously by now I was so excited that even if I wanted to sleep I would not be able to. I waited – hoping that every movement outside would be my husband coming home. I waited a while. Around 1am that morning he came back – very surprised to find me wide awake in bed.


The little gift baffled him initially. He was not sure why I would want to give him a gift from the UK 3 weeks after I returned and that in the middle of the night. Initially he did not see the little piece of undeniable evidence, but Gruffalo quickly pointed to the reason for his surprise arrival.


After that we could not sleep anyway. We chatted for hours about this gigantic change in our lives, our hopes, our fears and overall this undeserved miracle that was unfolding in our lives.


Needless to say – this little pea of life got the name Gruffalo, that is until we will come up with the real name. So welcome little Gruffalo.


Next: A Second confirmation

Pregnancy series: It must be heartburn

Once you have left the world of contraception behind, you always have in the back of your mind the possibility that you might be pregnant. Therefore, each month at the end of a cycle you wait for the confirmation that for some comes as a relief and a disappointment for others. I did not have the privilege of knowing. My cyclical behaviour after discontinuation of all preventative methods was not regular to say the least. Thus, I was almost living in the dark.
Despite this, we had the confirmation from the gynaecologist that anatomically everything looked good, so we took the road of patient waiting, not expecting any action too soon.


But most ladies who have been pregnant will know – it comes at a time when you least expect it!


Yes, it was the same with me. There were a few times when I was convinced I was pregnant, actually many times. For that reason I went and bought a box of pregnancy tests, but every time the test result was negative.


Everything started during a business trip to Mauritius. It was a good week. I can’t deny it – I enjoyed a glass of wine, even a cocktail every now and then (after working hours in case you wondered). Half way through the week I noticed a few things: first of all I could not get out of bed in the morning to do my usual hotel gym session. I tried to explain the phenomenon – must be the humidity and the busy days (must say the Mauritians have a heart of gold, and my work colleagues made sure I saw every inch of the island after work). And then I had the most horrible heartburn and indigestion. I initially thought it was the spicy food, so I cut down on that, but it did not matter what I ate, it just got worse.


I must say, by the end of the week I was actually relieved to go back to my normal routine and food choices. Little did I know that nothing would ever be the same again…


The Friday night after I landed and my husband dropped me off at home (he left again, because he was on duty), I immediately dived into the medicine cupboard and took an antacid tablet. Only after I took the antacid, the thought came to me to maybe do the pregnancy test again.


I did and waited. First one line appeared and then… another. I double checked, yes this means I am pregnant. First reaction, denial… I re-did the test, the same result.


What are the first emotions and thoughts that go through your mind? For a moment everything inside me froze. It was almost as if my whole inner being was re-set – my mind, my body everything in me responded to this positive test. Yes, I was very happy and excited, but it is almost as if you don’t want to get excited before someone else knows about your joy. So, next mission – Mario must get the news.


Next: Calling in the help of Gruffalo

Pregnancy series: The Decision

Many women fantasize about the day when the reason for the missed monthly period is not stress, but the prospect of a new life developing inside of them.


I might sound very career-driven, selfish or maybe both, but I never fantasized about that. I never dreamed and desired a child of my own. Don’t understand me wrong – I love children and I always knew that I would love to have a child of my own, but it was knowledge, not a fantasy. Maybe that is what 6 years of study and a few rotations through paediatrics does to you. I only came in contact with ill, dirty, screaming and malnourished babies.


So, not surprisingly, it took me much longer than the average female homo sapient, to finally make the decision that I will not prevent Mother Nature to take her course.


So in November last year, much to my husband’s surprise and joy (most probably relief as well) I told him that we can move into a new direction. That small step alone changed my life. Suddenly I became aware of another potential ability I as a female human being had within me. With that came questions: what if we struggle to fall pregnant, do we tell anybody we are trying, what if, what if…?


We decided to keep the fact that we are trying a secret. We would not lie if asked directly, but vague answers like: “We are not doing anything actively to prevent it anymore. “We hoped would keep everyone satisfied. Our main motivation for doing it in secret like very naughty school children, was to give ourselves some breathing (if you can call it that) space. We wanted to keep the pressure off.


So apart from the fact that I made a visit to the gynaecologist (I had to find a gynae before I became pregnant), we upgraded on our medical aid and I did not buy any contraception anymore (yippee R80 a month more to spend) our lives went on as usual.


They gynaecologist did warn that my cycles are quite irregular – that means that we could not really time the whole act of conception. Must say that took the pressure off completely, because in my mind I did not think that I would fall pregnant very fast.


Famous last words….


Next: It must be heartburn.

Pregnancy series: Finding a topic...

Any writer will know that finding a topic to write on is sometimes the hardest part of writing any piece. There are so many things you have to keep in mind: your audience, your experience and knowledge on the topic, will it be interesting?


I am facing the same situation. I would like to write about things that interest me and my audience. I had a long and deep thought about it. Initially I did not want to write about something too ordinary. I do not think you want to hear about me getting up every morning, going to gym (or not), sitting in an air conditioned office until 5 and going home to cook dinner. But on the other hand, it is the ordinary things that we can identify with.


I am currently reading a book by Neil Pasricha – The book of Awesome. He lists all the things that make life an awesome experience. Everything in there are ordinary, small events or things, which cost nothing but still provides us with pleasure and makes life worth living. So, yes I was convinced that it is indeed more worthwhile to write about the small things in life which we enjoy.


I especially like his mention of things like: finding an open parking space in front of the shop and the smell of rain on dry ground.


After this revelation I made the decision to take you on a journey through all my pregnancy experiences up to date. A whole 28 weeks of it. Maybe around 21, if you keep in mind I only found out I was pregnant around 7 weeks. I hope that those who have had the privilege to be pregnant it will serve as a pleasant memory of a very special time in their lives. For those who have not been down this road yet, may it not be scaring you off.


Just enjoy the journey with me. The journey of becoming a mother.

Next: The Decision